In hundreds of conversations with couples planning their home births, I’ve heard a lot of solid, well-researched reasons for their choice. They want to allow labor to progress at its own pace, they want to avoid unnecessary interventions, they want freedom of movement and for their basic needs of food, water, and privacy to be met. Occasionally, the reasons a couple chooses home birth are little more unique; they have important religious considerations, a history of sexual abuse, or such fast births that they couldn’t make it to the hospital even if they wanted to.
But do you know what I have never, ever heard a couple mention in their list of desires for their birth?
The curtains.
http://Image by StockSnap on Pixabay
Nope, not once. I know this may come as a surprise. This is a misconception that frequently comes from anti-home birth activists. The word “curtains” (or some other reference to aesthetics) was mentioned at least three times in a recent, popular webcast questioning the intelligence and education of home birthers. The implication is that folks choose home birth because hospitals aren’t pretty enough.
“We need to make labor and delivery rooms more home-like, so that women feel more comfortable,” they’ll say. “Some nice curtains, more home-like chairs…then they’ll come back.”
There’s a giant billboard here in Las Vegas that sometimes advertises a “birth center” located inside a hospital. The pictures rival those of the fanciest hotel rooms. Soft colors. Matching pillows. Framed art. Fluffy, drapey, curtains dominating the space. “We got a face-lift!” They cheer.
But the ever-growing number of women choosing home birth aren’t swayed by the efforts of the decorating team. They want natural births, and they know they just won’t get them in the hospital. They want to be free to move around, eat, drink, and bathe. They want to be treated like women, not patients. They don’t want any number of strangers imposing on their space during a very private experience. They want the confidence of knowing they can say, “Please don’t touch my vagina.” They really, really don’t want their vaginas cut. They want to find their own most comfortable birthing position, not be forced on their backs with their feet in stirrups. They want to hold their babies immediately. About half have had a previous cesarean (or two) and they want something their doctors flat refuse to “allow”: a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean).
Do aesthetics matter? Sure. The atmosphere of a room can certainly affect labor and birth. But atmosphere has a lot less to do with candles and flowers than it does the people in the room. When a woman chooses to give birth at home, she is really choosing some people over others, not necessarily one space over another.
Women choose their birth teams because they care about safety. Because they care about autonomy. Because they care about their families, and how the arrival of this new baby will affect their dynamic in big ways moving forward.
During the slow moments of a home labor, I love to sit back and look around the room at the people (okay, and the books. But mostly the people). These people were hand-picked. The same midwife who saw the mother through her pregnancy is the same one here now, and will be there to help her breastfeed. I was chosen to help ease the discomforts of pregnancy with massage, and the mother knows my touch now as she works through her contractions. Her husband, comfortable on his own turf, can be himself. Moms, aunties, grandmas, best friends, other children…she knows them, and trusts them.
The room might have stained carpet and yard-sale furniture, or it might look like the pages of Magnolia Magazine, but when freedom of choice is honored, no one cares about the decor. It is home, sweet home. The choice of thousands of sane, reasonable people everywhere.
